VITAL BUILDING BLOCKS OF CONFIDENCE

7 Vital Building Blocks of Confidence
by NENE PEARL OJUKWU.

When you see people who appear to be confident and sure of their every move, what goes through your mind?

Do you know someone like that who seems to succeed at everything they do? Are you convinced that it’s because they are smarter, luckier or in some way better than you are?

It’s very likely that none of those things are true. But confident people do have one very special thing going for them though. Would you like to know what that is?

What self-confident people realize

They understand the impact of believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.

This confidence ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success another boost to their confidence. Success builds on success, creating a self-confident mindset that is reinforced with each new accomplishment.

Confidence is self-perpetuating!

The perception of a self confident person changes how they view their world. When people perceive themselves as able to achieve anything they set their mind to, this perception shapes their reality.

Yes, perception shapes reality, and with the right mindset you too can become the confident, self-assured person you want to be.

7 ways to boost your confidence.

1) Acknowledge and list existing areas of confidence. Any area in your life where you are producing good results is an area where you have confidence in your own abilities. Take some time to examine and list those areas along with the beliefs and feelings that support them.

2) Start where you know you can succeed. One effective way to build your self-confidence is to choose an area in your life where you know you can take control. No matter who we are, there is always some area in our life where we feel a level of competence. Start by setting one reachable goal in that direction and then take action.

3) Repeat the process. When you experience success, set another reachable goal in that same direction and follow through with more action. Continue this pattern until you become comfortable with your ability to produce your intended outcome.

4) Expand your efforts. Next, choose another area in your life where you have a degree of competence and repeat the process. As your feelings of confidence grow, allow yourself to identify with your success. Learn to view yourself as a successful person and attach feelings of approval to your positive experiences.

5) Enlist some external feedback. Explain your challenge to a friend and ask them to provide you with some positive feedback every time you succeed in producing an intended result. Now you will have a source of both external and internal positive validation.

 

 

6) Walk the walk and talk the talk. Adopt the external characteristics of someone with a great deal of confidence. If you walk, talk, dress and conduct yourself like a person who is very confident, you will send signals to your own nervous system that say, “I can do anything I set my mind to.” You will also send those same messages to everyone you come in contact with.

7) Make confidence part of your identity. Embracing a positive view of yourself that empowers you to confidently take action in the direction of your goals is a huge step in your personal development. If you experience any disappointing results, resist the urge to link them to your personal identity. They are just part of the process. Make adjustments and move on.

Continue building on your new pattern

Once you have established a pattern of success you will fully develop the emotional viewpoint of a successful person. This mindset will give you the confidence to continue the successful pattern. Because your actions have produced positive results in the past, you will have every reason to believe that they will produce successful results in the future. This is the kind of mindset that will fill you with optimism and give the courage to take on new challenges with confidence.

Create an environment that nurtures confidence

Make it a habit to read positive, encouraging, “how to” self-improvement articles regularly and put the suggestions to work in your life. Embrace the personal growth mindset and surround yourself with people whose energy empowers you to take action.

To make it easy for you to do this we’ve brought together a fantastic team of motivating, self-improvement writers. Working together, we have created a free resource to help you improve virtually every aspect of your life. This resource is a monthly “magazine style” newsletter called Sharing Life Skills. If you are looking for greater self-confidence and proven strategies to improve your life, then this newsletter is perfect for you.

Anyone can boost their self-confidence! It’s a simple matter of adopting a more empowering mindset and building a more positive perception of your abilities. Remember, confidence is self-perpetuating; you just need to get the ball rolling and create some momentum.

In what areas of life do you feel confident of your abilities?
Are there areas where you would like a greater degree of confidence?
The lines are open!

QUIT SMOKING TIPS

 

10 Quit Smoking Tips

It's never too late to quit smoking and there are many benefits to be gained no matter what age you are when you give up. Here are some quick tips to help you kick the habit.

Tip 1
Quitting is different for everyone, so find an approach that will work for you. This may be either the cold turkey approach (stopping suddenly and totally) or a more gradual reduction in the number of cigarettes you smoke each day. Set a date to quit — and stick to it. Make it sooner rather than later. If you are quitting by yourself, it is recommended that you stop smoking completely on your quit date.

Tip 2
Get as much support as you can from family, friends and work colleagues. Let them know you are planning to quit, and ask smokers not to smoke around you or offer you cigarettes. Quitting with a friend can also be an excellent idea — you can share your feelings and encourage each other.

Tip 3
Throw out all cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters and anything else that might remind you of smoking. Wash your clothes and clean your car to remove the smell of smoke.

Tip 4
Nicotine replacement therapy, such as nicotine patches or chewing gum, could be a good idea for those who smoke heavily or who feel they may need the extra help. There are also medicines available on prescription, such as varenicline (brand name Champix) and bupropion (brand name Zyban) that can help you quit by reducing withdrawal symptoms and the urge to smoke. Talk to your doctor about what would be best for you.

Tip 5
Plan ahead for situations in which you are likely to be tempted to smoke, such as parties, drinking or going out for coffee. Try to avoid these situations in the early stages of your quitting programme, or try sitting in the non-smoking section at restaurants, drinking your coffee standing up or with the other hand, or keeping something in your hand when you're talking on the phone.

Tip 6
Write down all the reasons that made you decide to quit smoking, and carry them with you in case you need reminding!

Tip 7
Keep the following 4 Ds in mind when you have a craving.
Delay: remember that the worst cravings last for only a few minutes and will become even less frequent the longer you have quit.
Deep breathe: this should help you relax and focus your mind on something else.
Drink water: it is a good idea to drink plenty of fluids to help flush the nicotine and other toxins out of your system.
Do something else: you could go for a walk, to the movies or visit a supportive friend. Try eating an apple or cleaning your teeth when you would normally have a cigarette. You could hold something else, such as a pen or beads, to replace the need to hold a cigarette, or chew some gum or eat or drink a healthy snack to have something other than a cigarette in your mouth.

Tip 8
If you drink a lot of coffee, you may also want to cut down on your coffee intake as you will retain more caffeine when there is no nicotine in your system. Feeling jittery will not help your plan to quit. It may also be best to avoid alcohol as many people find it hard to resist smoking when they drink.

Tip 9
If you find you are losing motivation to quit, remind yourself of the many medical and financial benefits of quitting! For example, did you know that 12 months after quitting, your risk of heart disease is reduced to nearly half that of a smoker's? Remember the results of the myDr smoking cost calculator to help keep you motivated.

Tip 10
Talk to someone you can trust that can help you, probably a mentor or someone that has been looking forward to you quitting

WHAT MAKES A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

 What Makes a Happy Relationship?
by NENE PEARL OJUKWU

Why are some couples happier than others? What is the “secret” for a great relationship? With certain couples it is clear there is something about the way they interact that makes it obvious they have a unique and genuine connection.

Even if you’re in a good relationship, you can’t help but wonder: What do they know that I don’t? And if you’re single, you might look at these couples and attribute it all to chemistry or destiny. But it turns out that people in great relationships live by a few basic rules and they make these rules a priority in their day-to-day lives together. Consider these habits that can help you create a strong, nurturing relationship.

* Happy relationships are based on realistic expectations
* Happy relationships take work and thoughtfulness every day
* Happy relationships need communication know-how
* Happy relationships turn negatives into positives

Happy relationships are based on realistic expectations

Forget what you see in the movies or on television. In other words, real relationships aren’t anything like what you see in the movies full of non-stop romance, candlelight dinners and whirlwind trips to exotic locations.
Real relationships take effort, time and commitment. Great relationships just don’t happen because two people love each other very much, great relationships happen because not only do two people love each other very much, they also value one another and are willing to make an investment of time into the relationship – day after day.
Couples in healthy and positive relationships have a fundamental understanding of the proper and appropriate expectations for a stable and long-lasting relationship. They understand that not all days will be full of passion and romance. Similarly, they understand that rough spots in a relationship may only be temporary if good communication is present to work through these times.
A good way to look at this is to consider not getting too excited with the very high “highs” or too concerned with the very low “lows.” Both are momentary at best, and will not define the true nature and scope of the relationship over a long period of time. By reframing these extremes, you will be left with the right measure of balance and the right set of expectations to build a quality and sustainable relationship for many years to come.

Happy relationships take daily work and thoughtfulness

People who are in successful relationships work on these partnerships regularly. They don’t just set their life on cruise control expecting things to be great all of the time. Ask yourself, “What can I do today to make my partner’s life better?” Little bits of effort every day will accumulate over time and make a big difference.
Think of small, specific ways to make your relationship better whether it’s picking up your loved one’s dry cleaning, telling your partner that you’re proud of him or her, or taking over a task he or she really doesn’t like to do.
You should make an effort every day to deposit at least one act of thoughtfulness into your relationship’s bank account. Your goal, however, should not be to make a huge withdrawal at the end of the week. Your only goal should be to keep giving the things your mate wants – either his or her expressed and unexpressed wants. If there are actions you can take to make your partner’s day more convenient and less stressful, then do them. But, again, don’t do them for what you could gain by providing them.

Happy relationships need communication know-how

It may look as if people in great relationships intuitively know what their partners need. But the truth is, no one is a mind-reader so don’t expect your partner to be able to figure out how you’re feeling.
When things aren’t perfectly in sync, couples in this kind of relationship know how to communicate. They know that instead of giving their partner a laundry list of what he or she is doing wrong, they can be specific about what it is that they want. They also make an effort to discover what their partner’s needs are. The best way for most people to do this is talk about it.
Ask your partner what things are really important to him or her. Does he want to know you’re proud of him? Does she need to be able to express her sadness over a family or work-related situation without hearing how she ought to handle it?
Too often we get into the habit of coaching and not listening. The best way to let your partner know you are listening is to ask how she or he “feels” about the situation. Once they begin sharing, your job is simply to shut-up and listen. Offer acknowledgments and affirmations from time-to-time to demonstrate you are engaged with what is being said. Only give your opinion or advice if asked.

Happy relationships turn negatives into positives

You may have heard the expression: “When you are given lemons – make lemonade.” Overtime, relationships are handed several lemons. The sources for negative feelings and unbalance are numerous. Some are directly caused between both people because of poor or missing communication. Indirect sources of anxiety in a relationship can be work- related or financially based.
When the interpersonal aspect of the relationship is creating the negativity, consider this simple exercise. First, you and your partner must be open to honest feedback. Next, ask your partner this question: “On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate our relationship (keep in mind the word “relationship” can be substituted for intimacy; support of one another, etc.)
Allow your partner time to reflect and provide an honest reply. If the answer is “Seven,” ask this follow-up question: “What are three things I can do to get our relationship to a ten (if the answer is “six,” you would ask for four things, etc.)? Again, give your partner time to consider their response. It may be hard to listen, because the answers may sound critical and negative. But really, the answers are solutions to turn the negatives into positives.
There is one more critical part of this exercise. After your partner is finished and you have taken in and acknowledged the areas for improvement, ask this question: “What are three (or whatever the number needs to be) things you can do to get our relationship to a ten?”
By asking this follow-up question, it’s putting the relationship back on equal footing and back into the spirit of a true partnership. Except for certain extreme and unfortunate examples, most relationships are successful, or not successful, because of the contributions and efforts of both. Take an honest look at how you are contributing to any negative circumstances, but also be aware it does take two to make it work and to create a more positive and healthy relationship.

HOW IMPORTANT IS SELF-CONFIDENCE

A lot of people have questions about confidence. They want to know where it comes from, what it actually is, and how to get more. We can appreciate how valid all these questions are when we consider the power of self-confidence in our life.
I have also noticed that there is more than enough confusion over these same questions even from noted experts.

     What confidence can do for you?

In reality, self-confidence is often a more important asset than skill, knowledge, or even experience. This might seem like a bit of a stretch, but let’s take a closer look. Imagine that you have the skill, knowledge, and experience to qualify you for a certain job. When you go for the job interview, what will set you apart from others who are equally qualified? Beyond your credentials, what is it that would make them want to hire you instead of someone else?
It’s the impression you make, right? Your credentials may be impressive, but if your body language or demeanor gives any indication of uncertainty, the interviewer will pick up on that. It may not be something they are consciously aware of, but on some level your doubt will become their doubt. So the job goes to the one that can instill confidence in others.
Confidence is reassuring to others
People have a natural tendency to trust you more when you seem confident. To the subconscious mind confidence equals competence. Does that seem unfair? Well ask yourself if you would hire someone who seemed unsure of their own abilities? If you needed surgery, would you use a doctor whose first impression left you wondering how he got his license to practice? It wouldn’t matter how impressive his credentials were, you would find someone else.
Confidence creates trust, and everyone wants to be able to trust the people they do business with, become friends with, and fall in love with. If you want to be trusted by others, you must first trust yourself. To project trustworthiness you must project confidence. Granted, this is all based on perception. You can be a very trustworthy person and still lack confidence. There are also people with loads of self-confidence who can’t be trusted.
If it’s just perception then why does it matter?
Perception is how we personally view things; it’s our version of reality. When we don’t know someone personally, our perception is based on the signals we pick up from their words, body language, expressions, eye contact, etc. We also sense their degree of self-confidence and it influences our perception.
Have you ever said: “I don’t know why, but I just don’t trust that person”? See, your mind didn’t have a logical reason for your lack of trust, but you still didn’t trust them. It’s because your perception was being influenced on a subconscious level. Perception may not be absolute reality, but it is your reality and that’s all that matters in a situation like this.
Picking up the Self-confidence torch
Self-confidence is such an important issue that I have decided to focus much more attention in that direction. In upcoming articles I will be covering many aspects of this important quality. Along those lines I would like your help. I would like to know your thoughts on 3 specific self-confidence questions.

10 TIPS FOR BUILDING A HAPPY MARRIAGE

 

by NENE PEARL OJUKWU

To have a really good marriage, you need to work at it. As the saying goes, the only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

Here are some things you can do to help build a strong marriage.

1. Watch Your Relationships. To preserve your determination to make your marriage succeed, don’t get too close flirt with members of the opposite sex. If you do, in the back of your mind, you might begin to view them as alternatives in the event that your marriage doesn’t work out. This will weaken your resolve. After all, why work so hard when you have an escape route? Also, these types of close relationships are likely to make your spouse feel threatened.

2. Pay Full Attention. Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to you. It’s a sign of respect. Try to give him or her your undivided attention. Also, nod in agreement occasionally—it tells your partner you’re listening. If your spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, say so, and suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay full attention.

3. Share Enjoyable Activities. Do fun things with your spouse. Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that’s mutually enjoyable. Such activities strengthen your relationship and make it easier for the two of you to endure the hard times that come in every marriage.

4. Learn from Your Experiences. Learn from the past. For example, if you find that you’re often tense when you’re very hungry, minimize your conversation with your spouse during those times. Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain relative, don’t mention that person’s name unless absolutely necessary. Try to learn from the past.

5. Be Polite. Be courteous to your spouse. When speaking with him or her, use phrases such as “please,” “thank you,” “would you mind if I….,” and so forth. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and respected.

6. Never Say “I Told You So.” Remove the phrase “I told you so” from your lexicon. Saying these words only causes ill will between you and your spouse.People say this phrase for two reasons:
To show off that they were right,
To get their mates to listen to them in the future.
What they don’t realize is that the message that comes across is, “Aren’t I smarter than you?” which is insulting.When you’re proven right after an argument, your spouse will realize this on his or her own. There is no need to point it out.The poet Ogden Nash wrote the following poem to encourage people to act this way:
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

7. Don’t Keep Score. Don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries his or her share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. Making sure your relationship stays fifty-fifty will put so much tension into your marriage that it’s not worth the effort. So unless your spouse is very lazy or a real responsibility shirker, don’t keep track of who does more.

8. Watch Out for the Little Things. A family court judge once commented that in 99 percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to:
“She never lets me leave the window open at night.”
“He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me.”
“She never replaces the toilet roll when it’s finished.”
“He always leaves his socks on the floor.”
These small matters can be very detrimental to a relationship, so watch out for them. There is, however, a silver lining to this cloud: Just as little things can ruin a relationship, they can also build one. A brief call to ask how your spouse’s day is going can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering your mate’s birthday with a little gift can mean a lot. Even just bringing your partner a chocolate bar or a novel you think he or she will enjoy can mean a great deal, because it shows you care.Women in particular often need small but frequent gestures of love.

9. Greet Your Partner Happily. Smile at your mate when you greet him or her. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Even if you’re in a bad mood, be sure to flash that grin. It’s a small investment that can go a long way.

10. Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy. Don’t go through your partner’s things out of curiosity or in an effort to make them look neater. Privacy is a fundamental need all humans have, so be sure to respect it.
Similarly, make it a habit not to repeat your spouse’s words to others. You never know what your mate wants kept secret.

INDICATORS FOR ASSISTANCE

The following things are indicators that you may need some assistance because of your drinking:

(1) If you cannot control when you start or stop drinking.

(2) If you cannot control how much you drink.

(3) If you suffer nausea, vomiting and headaches after drinking.

(4) If you are verbally or physically abusive.

(5) If you are unable to meet family, personal and work commitments after drinking.

(6) If you suffer legal or financial problems as a result of your drinking.

(7) If your Doctor, family members, friends or workmates have told you that they are worried about your drinking.

Even if only a few of these indicators apply to you, you may have a problem with alcohol

SOME HONEST BUT SAD TRUTH ABOUT ALCOHOL

(1) The average age of first experimentation with drugs is 13, and for alcohol it is even younger. Drug use has been classified as a major problem for kids as early as fourth grade by the students themselves.

(2) Alcohol is the most widely used drug in Africa, precisely in Nigeria and also the third largest cause of death. Alcohol and tobacco use are a significant "risk factor" in heart disease and cancer. It accounts for over 50 000 deaths per year in this country alone.

(3) Alcohol and other drugs contribute to over 50 percent of all suicides and over 50 percent of all violent crimes.

  (4) Over 60 percent of admissions to emergency rooms are either directly or indirectly due to drug or alcohol usage.

 (5) Over 50 percent of all traffic accidents involve the use of drugs or alcohol, with many of these being fatal.    

 

 

(6) It is estimated that drugs and alcohol are a factor in at least 80 percent of domestic violence incidents.

 

 

 (7) Alcohol and drug use contributes to 60 percent of all sub-standard job performance and at least 40 percent of all industrial accidents.

(8) Alcohol and drug addiction are treatable. However, it is our most untreated disease in Nigeria today.

(9) More than 60 percent of college women who have contracted sexually transmitted diseases, herpes or AIDS were intoxicated at the time of infection.

                                                                                                                                                             (10) 28 percent of all college dropouts are alcohol users.

(11) Individuals between the ages of 16 and 34 are involved in more than one-third of all alcohol related traffic accidents.

(12) 95 percent of all college campus violence is alcohol related.

(13) More than 40 percent of all college students with academic problems are alcohol users.